I turn 30 this week on the 19th. If you follow me on social media, I’m sure you’ve noticed! When I was younger, I can remember thinking 30 was old!!!! I am the child of a teen mom. (Greatest woman I know!) But all of my kidhood until a certain point, she was only 20 something. But when I was 13, she turned 30. And boy I BAWLED!!! I cried so hard because my mom was getting old! I couldn’t imagine my cool, hip, fun mom turning 30. I basically put her in a nursing home in my mind. It was devastating.
*I’m seriously cracking up as I remember this. I was ridiculously dramatic as a child!*
I remember when I was around 16 or 17 and I made my life plan. By 30, I would have been married to my super fine college sweetheart, had 2 gorgeous children with a body that snapped right back, lived in this gorgeous house (think something Joanna Gaines designed in Fixer Upper), and the cute, quaint, little suburban life. Ha!
*Again, I’m really cracking up at myself. I was adorable*
Fast forward to about 26. I finally graduated college. I had plans to start a non-profit company to help kids figure out what was next after high school. (See here. Embarrassing!!!) I just knew this was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I planned to buy a house (think of what the house looks like before Chip and Joanna get hold to it) and I figured I’d meet my husband in the next year or so. My life would be set, like some type of jello or something. By the time I hit 30, everything would be in place.
I could give you story after story of what I thought would happen by this seemingly magical age of 30. For me, 30 meant (means) you’re a real adult. It meant (means) you should have your stuff together! Childlike behaviors ought to be put away and it’s time for real responsibilities. Somewhere along the way, I adopted this mindset that 30 was it. And if you don’t have the husband, the kids, the nice house, the job, and so forth, that you’re behind the curve. That you’re missing something.
This mindset created so much pressure for me to try to create things with my life. I tried to find the right guy. Fail. I tried multiple career paths. Fail. I tried to buy a house. Fail. I tried and failed. And as I inched closer to 30, I could see my perfect year, the magical year when everything was in its place and I was a stable adult, I could see it slipping away.
My friends who have turned 30 recount the months and weeks before they turned 30. Many of them have asked me the same questions. “Are you nervous about turning 30?” or “How do you feel? Are you freaking out?” One of them told me how she got depressed when she turned 30. All because her life wasn’t what she thought it would be. And by all accounts, that should be me too.
But something happened. Somewhere between making plans for my life, I stopped. I just stopped trying. I stopped caring. I stopped worrying. I stopped imagining. I stopped being afraid of the future. I quit being concerned with creating this picture perfect life which in actuality was a false reality. NEWSFLASH: NOBODY HAS A PERFECT LIFE!!!
Over the last several months, I’ve been at peace more than I know how to explain. God reminded me of something. My life is in His hands. Always has been and always will be. I’m not in control of what’s next. One of my favorite confessions that God gave me says “My life is exactly the way God planned for this moment. Nothing more, nothing less.” In light of this, I can look my 30s square in the face and not flinch. No husband, 1 kid, mediocre job (okay, good job- just not what I want), still paying rent and sometimes borrowing money from my parents. I might not be where I imagined I would be, but I’m smack dab in the middle of God’s plans for my life.
I could totally be cliche and use Jeremiah 29:11 to illustrate my point, but I won’t. That’s because, in Jeremiah, he was telling the people of Israel that they were going to be in bondage for 70 years and that was part of God’s plan for their lives. That’s not at all what I want to convey!
Psalm 37:23 says “The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.”
This scripture is so powerful because it reminds us that we don’t have to figure it out. I could literally be freaking out about turning 30 and feeling like I am responsible for making something out of my life. But truth is that I’m not responsible. I don’t have to figure it out. The Lord directly the steps of the Godly. All we have to do is trust Him to direct.
Many times I think of my life as a play. If you’ve ever seen a script, you know that the script gives you what you should say, how to say it, and when. Then the director tells you where you should be on stage. The director gives you cues and helps you walk through your script. The director is very detail oriented. Making sure that everything happens according to the plan of the script. As the actor, all you have to do is follow direction. My life has been written by God and now He’s directing the play. I just have to follow the script. As the actor, it’s not my job to figure out what’s next, I just need to follow the prewritten script.
In my script, there’s no husband right now. In my script, I’m working at a good job, but not fully doing what’s in my heart to do. My script is good. I just need to follow it to the end.
I love the B clause of this scripture. It’s something to know that the God of the universe delights in every detail of our lives. Just think about how detail oriented God is. Think about all the intricacies of a flower. Ever part of the flower has a purpose. And every flower has a different purpose. Think about the human body. Think about how many different things go on at the same time just automatically. God cares about the details. And to know that He delights in the details of our lives gives me peace. We can rest on Him and not have to worry about what’s next.
In this passage, Jesus teaches us to be present. Be here in the moment and trust God with the future. He says the future will have its own troubles. Jesus said that God will take care of the things to come. Our job is to fully rely on Him. I love how He puts things in perspective. If God takes care of the birds and the flowers, things He didn’t make in His own image, things He didn’t send His son to die for, why would you think He would care for us any less? Why would you think He wouldn’t have already mapped out your end from your beginning? God never does anything without a plan or without purpose. Because of this, He knows the details of every day of our lives. It’s a beautifully comforting fact.
The last scripture I want to look at is Psalm 46:10a. It says “Be still, and know that I am God!” I like the NASB version of this scripture. It says “Cease striving and know that I am God.” Cease striving. Instead of trying to make things happen in our lives, we are to cease striving and just know. In this sense, to know means to have intimate knowledge of and to be intimately acquainted with who He is. Know His character, know His heart, know how much He loves and cares, know that He has a plan and know that He will work it out. Know that He CAN work it out. Cease striving, stop relying on your harebrained schemes and trust in the only one who controls everything. God. Know that HE is God and we are not.
As I take on this next phase of my life, I hold dear to the words of the Apostle Paul. Philippians 1:6 says “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” No matter what 30 brings, I put my confident trust in Him and Him alone.
Where in your life do you need to trust Him a little bit more? Where do you feel uncertain of the future? Are there any other scriptures that you hold to in order to help you trust Him? Comment below!
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